Disconnect to Reconnect

July 5, 2018

Hello, sorry it’s been so long. Let’s have a little catch up. It’s July!? How did that happen?! It was April when I recorded the last vlog and it’s only just gone live. I wasn’t sure if I should still put it out, it was AGES ago!? However I think there’s some value in the trip for everyone (super cheap, easy alternative to camping out of season). If you’ve not seen it, it’s right here.

This is the thing, it’s real quick to become overwhelmed with making these videos. I think it’s because I shoot them on so many different cameras and its real quick to lose track of which camera the story continues on. Then there’s trying to get a 4 day trip into a 10 min video. Picking the tunes etc. I’m still new to making vlogs, to editing, to uploading to YouTube. Everytime I feel like I learn and get better though. It’s satisfying.

I got overwhelmed in May, I had a big influx of work which was fantastic and much needed. I’ll never moan about having work come in but I misjudged the time afterwards required. It was a whole bunch of events. Shooting all day, day in day out means a lot of photos and a lot of time stuck to the computer sifting through and editing up everything I’d shot. It’s a huge time sink and I ended up getting a backlog which stressed me out big time.

I found that the stress coincided with a bit of a rocky patch mentally. I’d been having bouts of anxiety around a number of real world causes. Current affairs, politics and a general feeling of existential dread have been making me upset, feeling helpless and hopeless for the general future of the world we live in. I’d been concerned for the well being of friends and family and not been able to see solutions to issues that were arising.

It feels like everyday the world gets a little bit more difficult to understand? Anyone else felt like that recently?

The two things combined amassed into a feeling of total sadness. Lethargy kicked in, my brain clouded and I was miserable. On top of all the commercial work I had also got involved with taking over a new community event, been helping organise and do environmental clean-ups locally and took on more social media accounts to manage.

Anyway to cut a long story short, something had to stop and that was pretty much everything apart from immediate work to be done. Sarah sat me down and talked through it all, she has a lot of experience dealing with her own mental health so it was amazing to have someone to thrash things out with, to talk to and bounce these feelings off.

We talked and talked and talked. I don’t really remember what was said. But I came out feeling like I’d been in surgery. That I was recovering. Like I had a hangover almost. Physically I felt exhausted.

We spent a day in the woods, we played in the river and drank beers in the sun – it was great to escape. No phone, no social. Just the family, friends (and my cameras ;))

Disconnecting has helped reconnect with the people and things I love.

I feel better for now, I’ve learnt not to become overwhelmed and to not take on too much (or at least schedule it better!). I had to put some stuff on the back burner. I think I’m getting better at learning my limit anyhow.
We went away for a few days. We stayed in a caravan on the Llyn Peninsula with our friends. Spent a good day on the beach and some others pottering around the towns and villages near Abersoch. It’s a special sentimental place for me.
We went kayaking and using the funds from the big commercial shoots, we invested in our very own sit-on-top kayak. It feels kinda great to be able to see the relationship between an anxiety riddled series of jobs and the calming, fun, life enhancing purchase of a kayak for the family. Something good came out of a rubbish time.

There’s a bunch of other stuff that’s happened (psst. I bought a new camera!) , I do mainly talk about it over on Instagram, so if you’re not over there, please do follow me. I love it and post stories to it every day.

For now, I’m happy to have broken the barrier on getting this vlog out. The rest will flow now, I need to be more concise, plan better for vlogs, get a better idea of what I’m going to talk about before and actually string some sort of story together 😉

Thanks for being patient. If you’ve had any similar experience hit me up on Twitter.

If you need to talk to someone, talk. People will listen.

The Calm Zone:
The Samaritans:

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